Remember When Generations Lived Together

Elders Uniting the World -- Episode 2 show notes

I'm 69, pushing on 70. For the last few years I've been paying closer attention to what's around me -- especially the news feeds I get, not by choice, but because some algorithm decided I "need to see this." Watch enough of it and it looks like the world is falling apart.

So I took a trip. Nebraska, through Indiana and Iowa, down through Georgia and Florida, back around through Missouri. I don't know where those news feeds were filming all that violence and anger, because I sure didn't see it on the road. But the trip did make me start remembering -- remembering when I was a kid, back in my youth. And the more I looked around, the more I started asking: when did all this change?

Raised by a Community, Not Just a Household

Both my parents were teachers -- my dad taught high school math, my mom taught grade one. We had a good, well-rounded upbringing in a fairly small town. But looking back, I realize we weren't just raised by our parents. We were raised by the whole community. Neighbors, teachers, other parents around town -- if we screwed up, they had full permission to chew our butts out, and they did. I'm glad they did, or there's a good chance things wouldn't have turned out the way they did.

That community was safe. We could ride our bikes anywhere. Parents kicked us out the door at sunup and expected us back by dark, when it was time for dinner. Everybody knew us, we knew everybody, and somebody was always looking out for us. A lot of the neighbors' houses doubled as mini first-aid stations -- we didn't wear helmets, we got scraped up, and that was just life.

The One-Income Family, and Who Benefited When It Ended

I remember families with a dad who worked at the local plant or utility company, and a mom who ran the household -- a one-income family, and it worked. So when did that end, and why?

When I look back at changes like that, I ask: who benefited? The government gained a lot once both parents had to work -- more income tax, more revenue, spent on things I never approved and was never asked about. Around the same time, house prices started climbing, because now families had two incomes to "afford more." That was the start of the end for the one-income family -- and the ones who got hurt most were the kids, who got less attention as parents worked longer hours just to keep up.

What Happened to the Elders

I loved talking to elders when I was younger. Not just book knowledge -- life experience, lessons learned. So what happened to them? Families got separated, spread out, moved for work. Grandparents might see their grandkids once every couple of years around the holidays. A lot of elders end up in retirement homes, checked on with a monthly phone call.

That's not how it was supposed to be.

Elders carry something that scares people in power: memory, and a built-in ability to spot when someone's lying -- decades of watching people's actions, not just their words. And when an elder dies, some of that hard-won truth goes with them. That's exactly why it matters to pass it on now, while we still can.

Forgiveness Then vs. Now

Back in the day, when we screwed up -- and everybody did -- we made amends and were forgiven. It might've taken time, but it happened. Now, people dig up something from 20 or 30 years ago and it follows you forever. No trial, no appeal, just judged by public opinion for good. It's a harder, less forgiving world than the one I grew up in, and it's worth asking why we let that happen.

The Elders' Role Now

We can't stay on the sidelines anymore. For too long, elders have shown the world our backs -- pulled away, kept quiet. It's time to turn around. This isn't just about us -- it's about our grandkids, and their kids who aren't even born yet. Elders have more strength collectively than we usually believe, and we're at the point in life where the only thing worth doing with the years ahead is making them count for the people coming after us.

Next episode: the difference between an elder and an older -- and most people don't even know which one they are.

Listen to the full episode above, or find "Elders Uniting the World" wherever you get your podcasts. Got thoughts to share? Visit the contact page at eldersunited.org -- I read and try to reply to every email.